the pearls and the hidden soul

SeiryuSky

since the story couldn't live in general discussion i will moce it to here , 1 more like and i post 2nd chapter :
his eyes closed lying on a the top of a mountain , his body with dangerous wounds and broken hand his blood wesseling on the ground , on the barren surface of the mountain , no humans live there , no animals even only a lonely man who in his life have known what no one have known , oh i forgot let's start from the begining ... the day "Amadai" was born , the day the parusan was stolen ... on the morning she get up with her baby in  and laugh with her husband , they are happy , their son will finally be born , the son of the "taiyo no kotei " all the imprial divan will clebrate that day , or maybe one won't , the son of the emperor, "katara" he was always treated as the emperor and tried to kill his father few times he never looked down to anyone , cz who don't look down to him got killed , and after the incident from 2 years  and the death of 1875 guards and 14398 inhabitants by him , He got sealed 5km under ground in the gaol of shadows , the " kage no kangoku" tied to 186 chains made from the steel of karai tamashi  that are supposed to get into the prisoner's soul and and make it disentegrate slowly and the dour made of Daiyamondo jikan that can never be broke and the only way to open it is the parusan , pearl of sun ...
6 days later...the son got born finally and the emperor celebrated with all the empire and named , his son , gomari , the new emperor , during the ceremonies , the pearl will be putten together finally with the necklace of the sun to name the baby as the successor , the only thing left now is the pearl , suddenly during the ceremonies the right hand of the emperor open the door aggresively and shout : where is the pearl ???? where is itttt ??? the emperor stand up and look at his friend with eyes of fear and then order the soldiers to search for the pearl while he will see something , the soldiers lope searching for the pearl but nothing , meanwhile the emperor have got to his secret room with his friend revealing fast his legendary outfit with the armor made from the skin of the dragon that was killed by the previous emperors and the sword made from claws , he knew something for sure , if the pearl was stolen...

the soldiers continue their search suddenly the shadow of a man appear , asking him who he is he disappear , only to appear behind them and kill them in a moment , he continue moving , and fear controling all who see him , the battle start between the empire and the mysterious man , the emperor arrange his army , to fight the enemy , or that is what he thought until an army of 50000 men of a mysterious area join the fight in the side of the mysterious man , the emperor hopeless look at his newborn son crying , call his friend and ask him to save his son and give him the necklace , because he is the only hope for the empire to be revived , his friend not accepting was obligated too for the sake of the empire , therefore he get on a horse hold the newborn baby and the neclace and advance away from the empire for the first time the battle start , and the two armies clash with the emperor waiting to battle the mysterious man .... he show up the emperor couldn't move he was frightening , the mysterious man ... was his son , katara smiles and look at his father a look of scorn then show him the pearl ,and laughs , to silentely kill him in a slice the empire have falled with no hope and the pearl taken , the empire turned to vacuum . gomari continue his escape with the right hand of the dead emperor , to suddenly be caught by the men of katara , , he hide the baby in a cover and fight the men of katara to only die , the baby discovered by the men and being unknown to them put him on a piece of wood and release him to the sea , where the end never exist ....


give me your opinion about it   i just writed it without thinking  so be a little calm and not so heavy with your opinions if i get enough likes ( 2 XD ) i will post the next part

SeiryuSky

no one care

Ragnos

Some Capitalization required...                    Very interesting though.

SeiryuSky

Ragnos replied at 2015-5-31 18:08
Some Capitalization required...                    Very interesting though.

yeah i made its begining a lil normal but next chapter is action , mystery and fit greatly overall

SeiryuSky

waiting for opinions UN currently loved it a lot and in 6 min i got 3 replies and 65 shows and here with 2 days i get 35 show and 3 replies from 1 person O_O

Chkval

هاي لايك بلا ما اقرا
go ahead with the second chapter
spacing though, use it. Also proof-read

SeiryuSky

Chkval replied at 2015-6-14 16:24
هاي لايك بلا ما اقرا
go ahead with the second chapter
spacing though, use it. Als ...

إي شفتو يا هيك المواطنية يا بلا XD

so now publishing the 2nd chapter after i wake up XD